Aside from infidelity, one other factor that is cited mostly in divorce proceedings is irreconcilable differences. This word has been used an umbrella for a number of issues that couples are unable to agree on. These include finance, decisions about children, decisions regarding how the couple should spend their time and even smaller issues like how the house should be arranged, how long a guest should stay, whether to hire a nanny, among others.

Behind all these issues are people who are tired of expressing themselves and not being heard, and those who are doing their best which is never enough. They are comprised of people who are giving up without ever trying hard enough, and who are choosing to tear their relationship apart without seeking wisdom. They may have decided to go for counseling, but unless they uncover the truth that they are different, and that some things about them can never be reconciled, they keep going round and round and finally give up.

Every human being has some fears and tendencies that a partner may have to cope with. They may be the desire for control, appreciation, to be heard, and for uninterrupted time together. When these are not met, they create a gap within us that cannot be filled by any other thing. As such, irrespective of what someone does, instead of focusing on the needs that have been met, a person still finds themselves focusing on the primary need that remains unmet.

Before concluding that differences are irreconcilable, perhaps, a couple needs to reflect on their primary needs, and commit to love not from their own definition, but their partner’s. There are books that focus on unearthing the concept of gender, and the primary needs that persons of each gender are inclined to. Once people understand why they act as they do, they then can reconcile the irreconcilable through serving each other, and mutually enjoying the benefits.